It was unlike anything I've ever experienced and could ever have imagined. It looked like Disneyland, it sounded like Disneyland, it even smelled like Disneyland, but it couldn't have been Disneyland. There was not one kid on a leash in the whole park and no two family members were dressed alike!

Disneyland, magnet for identically poorly-dressed families with kids on leashes, had finally entered the fashionable 90's...if only for one night. I know what you're thinking...I was one of 3000 extras in some futuristic movie being shot in Mickey's front yard, but trust me - this was real life. I pinched myself. I pinched other people, too...until they made me stop.

This was the Saturn Birthday Celebration Sizzling with Excitement at Disneyland. So maybe the party starting at 8:30pm had something to do with the fewer number of strollers on the premises (my toes weren't run over once!), but there were still plenty of kids, but these were Saturn family kids and they behaved!

Of course with any cult you get your extremists and weirdos. We're a happy close-knit family, but a perfect family isn't a good thing - it's scary. The extremists were the couple with the Saturn T-shirts under their Saturn jackets with the silly Saturn liscense plates hung around their necks. Funny, but harmless. The weirdos were also harmless, but annoying. The party was supposedly only for Southern California Saturn owners, but it was inevitable that word get out to more distant relatives. I expected I'd see in-laws from such locales as my own Saturn of Oxnard, as well as Saturn of Orange County and Saturn of San Diego. But who do I end up waiting behind in the 30 minute line for Space Mountain? None other than six teen agers who could have been from nowhere else but Saturn of Hickville.

Then waiting in line for over an hour for the new and lame Indiana Jones ride, I found myself ever so entertained by a drunken (or were they just that stupid?) group from Saturn of Hell. I must admit that their rubber snake antics made the wait go by that much quicker. And maybe it wasn't so bad when they ended up on in the same Haunted House group as I because they all knew all the words of the opening monolouge and shouted them along...and they screamed at near perfect 1.44 minute intervals throughout the ride.

Being a cynic, I must say the most amusing part was seeing all the people lost in the parking lot at 2am when they corralled us out. Maybe I make more of an effort than the average dimwit to memorize where I park since I have absolutely no sense of direction, but with a lot full of Saturns, one can't just walk in the general direction they came from looking for the blue Saturn station wagon! I have a feeling some of my brethren were there long after I hiked to Kanga 7 and retrieved my car. I saw no fewer than 5 Saturns of the same color and make as mine on the way to Kanga 7 - and that was with taking the most direct route!

But there is so much more to a Disneyland trip than just Disneyland itself...especially if you're not from Los Angeles, but from somewhere smaller and nicer. There really is nothing like metropolitan Los Angeles to put one in her place. The number of people and cars and shopping malls is enough to make me feel like an ant.

In what other city can you start your evening off by being rear-ended on the freeway and spend half an hour sorting everything out while standing next to your parked car in lane 2 of a 10 lane freeway with unscathed cars screaming by at 80mph on either side?

But don't feel bad for me...and don't feel bad for the cars in the next accident I passed 20 yards later...or the next accident...or even the next accident. But four accidents past mine...the one with the vertical car and the guy laying in the freeway gutter...feel sorry for him. And if you don't want to sound like a foreigner, say nonchalantly "Well, that's LA." And then keep off the 91 if you want to see your next birthday.

That was the trip enroute to Disneyland. Sure I wanted to go home after that, but I couldn't really bring myself to get back on the freeway so soon. The return trip was exciting, too, but maybe not so morbid. I went to a Del Taco for the first time ever. Oh hush...I'd never stray from my special place Taco Bell, but if you miss the Taco Bell exit, you just have to make do. I've heard a lot of horror stories about Del Taco, but I've also heard positive reviews (well one positive review) so I was a little wary at first. My order wasn't really that tasty, but it didn't make me sick and I guess if I had no other choice I'd go to Del Taco again.

Oh, were you wondering what I ordered? Coffee.

7/96