i'd only been to g lounge twice before so imagine my surprise when last wednesday night the bouncer said "i need to see your id [to alex]; you two [to robert and me] i remember." i can't tell you how ecstatic i was to hear that! but of course my glee was short-lived.

just when i thought i'd taken a babystep forward, i find out i haven't gotten anywhere at all. and not only am i more stuck in my original spot, but i also feel stoopid for having tried to dream the impossible dream and change the unchangable.

maybe it's just one of my quirks, but i never expect people to recognize me. i always recognize people, and i usually notice everyone, but i always pretend not to notice and not to recognize people because i'm convinced that noone will ever recognize me.

i don't know why i feel like this - it's not like i was locked in a closet for days on end as a child, or forgotten at day care as a toddler. i must just be missing some bone (the memory bone's connected to the funny bone...) or something that doesn't allow me to feel at all confident in my recognizableness.

oh, so anyhow, back to the first paragraph - my glee was short-lived because alex explained her take on the situation: i was the odd man out and i was the unrecognized one. i shot that idea down straight-off by pointing out she had been the one to show her id and the bouncer seemed fine with that and let us all in. but she countered by saying last week she and robert had a long conversation with the bouncer after the show and that was why they were the logical two remembered patrons. bummer...can't really argue with that.

12/98