"THAT IS THE MOST DISGUSTING THING I'VE EVER SEEN"

Lyle and I were simply walking along our favorite beach, Hendry's Beach, minding our own business one sunny summer day. Hendry's is commonly referred to as "The Dog Beach." Everyone takes their dogs there. That doesn't mean we don't respect the sunbathers, but it is one of the few Santa Barbara beaches you're allowed to have dogs on. There are signs up about leash laws, but those we don't respect for the most part. I'll admit that along with Lyle's lingering love of humping that the neutering didn't quite quell, he also finds it necessary to lift his leg and mark damn near anything he can reach (not that a Chihuahua can reach all that much anyway). For this reason I usually carry Lyle along the beach until we've passed by most the sunbathers. I believe there is an understanding that the sun worshippers stay near the entrance of the beach where we keep our dogs leashed and avoid the farther reaches where the dogs run free and urinate as they will.

Lyle and I got past the bulk of the sunbathers and I set him down to stray where he would as we made our way down the beach. Before I could so much as say, "Lyle heel!" (not that he would listen) he ran up to an empty beach chair next to two sunbathing women and lifted his leg on it. I don't know where he acquired this love for pissing on beach chairs, but they are one of his main targets if given his way. And no, I don't let him pee on every beach chair on the beach...he just gets that look in his eye that he'd love to pee on it whenever we see a beach chair. And since we had just barely arrived at the beach he had a somewhat filled bladder and really let loose on the chair. Normally he's not very good at rationing his urine and just lifts his leg for the sake of aerobic exercise after the first couple tinklings.

One of the women went berserk and started shouting, "Oh my gosh! Would you look at that! That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen! That is so gross! I can't believe how gross that is!" And on and on and on. I offered to rinse her chair off as I retrieved my smug pup, but she declinced as muttering yet again, "That is the grossest thing I have ever seen!"

I'll admit it isn't the most pleasant thing to have a dog piss on your beach chair, but I think it's quite a stretch to call Lyle urinating "the grossest thing" one has ever seen. Maybe not all agree with me in calling Lyle the most adorable creature on the face of the earth, but he is one damn cute little dog. Furthermore, when I think of disgusting things, there are a lot of things I would place before urination. There are a lot of disgusting things you take the risk of seeing when you go to the beach. One thing that comes to mind when I think about the beach, or any aquatic setting for that matter, is a person whose appearance is particularly unsavory in inappropriate beach attire. I'm sure many have made the connection already, but what I'm getting at is pregnant women in bikinis. I don't think there's much that's more disgusting than that. Pregnant women on the beach in swim suits are just fine; bikinis at the beach are just fine. But the two together? I say NO.

OK, now one wild guess as to the condition and attire of the women who called my dog the most disgusting thing she had ever seen...



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