"THAT'S THE LAMEST DOG I'VE EVER SEEN"

This time Lyle and I were at East Beach sunbathing with my friend and one of Lyle's numerous aunts. (We'll call her "Trixie" for the sake of her own protection) We were just basking and minding our own business and nothing much of consequence happened for an hour or two. There was a group of Beavis and Butthead aged kids (yes a whole 5 years younger than us, the babies!) nearby, but they weren't causing any trouble or saying their stupid teenage things loud enough for us to hear and the smoke from their cigarettes wasn't blowing in our direction. Trixie decided they were harmless enough to bum a cigarette from, so she approached the youngsters and came back after chatting with them for 10 minutes, mission accomplished. I had seen them look over towards me when she was there, but rolled over before they could motion me over to join them. Trixie let me know that the Beavis and Buttheadites wanted her to tell me that they thought Lyle was lame.

I can't say that it shook me much to hear that this glowing example of Southern California youth thought my wonderpup was lame. I thought they were pretty lame, too, but this was one of those detestable situations when I couldn't think of a good comeback for the life of me. They left shortly after that and one of them addressed me,

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but that is the lamest dog I have ever seen."

I was still mentally blocked, so I just kind of looked up at him dumbly (not stupidly, just mutely! They were the stupid ones!) It didn't feel like an eternity at least, but after too long a period of quiet they all started walking away and the spokesman called back over his shoulder,

"But you can still come over to our house to drink beer with us if you want"

Finally my muteness left me and I muttered to Trixie,

"It's just penis envy"

(she said "penis" huh-huh huh-huh)
Trixie, bold vixen that she is, shouted this across the beach at them...much to my dismay and the shock of every family unit surrounding us on the beach. I then muttered,

"Well, if you think their parents aren't home yet, I guess we can go drink at their house with them"

This she saw fit to shout at them as well, but I think/hope they were out of range by then.

What you have to go through to defend some people's honor!



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